Tomorrow morning I will be going the fuck off on my boss. This morherfucker told me for the first time in a year that I couldn’t eat LUNCH at my desk. What the fuck?! I eat at my desk nearly everyday and so does everybody else. Hell, my supervisor eats breakfast in her office almost everyday. This ass clown is so fucking petty. He wouldn’t let me accept a second job, he chastised for taking a water at 5, and now I can’t eat at my desk during lunch when we’re closed because he doesn’t want the patients to see. Hold the fuck up. We close at lunch so patients don’t have any fucking business watching me eat. I’m not holding my fucking tongue anymore. I’ve had enough. We got patients leaving everyday because they’re tired of his shit and now my supervisor and I are on the verge of quitting. I’m so sick of this. Ive literally been making myself sick over work. Like, I’m miserable. I’m depressed and gaining even more weight. I can’t anymore. 3 days a week and $8 an hour is not enough for me to be taking this shit. I told him I eat at my desk all the time he goes, I don’t care if you do. I have a policy against it. Who in the fuck made a policy? I don’t even have an employee handbook. This bitch is making up shit. And guess what? He did this when no one was in the office but the two of us. I think he is trying to intimidate me. He needs to apologize or fire me. I told my supervisor and she’s mad as hell. I didn’t even want to approach him alone and I won’t have to. We’re having a meeting in the morning. I’m praying he fires me. Please god fire me and put me out of my misery. I love the girls I work with but I can’t put up with this another day. Oh and the nurse ate her desk today and he ain’t say shit to her. Fuck outta here. Fuck all this shit. Fuck my job. Fuck his practice and fuck him. God don’t like ugly and his entire life is going to crumble around him. I know it.
So my “friend” is getting back with his ex. We’ve both established that we have feelings for each other. Well, I’m too busy and I want an SD not a BF but he’s a cool guy and sometimes I contemplate that we’d be good together. He’s the type that wants to be married and start a family. I don’t want kids and I’ve never had a long relationship. But anyway, it seems like he always needs me to be his shoulder to cry on. He kept going back with another ex and every time I was there to be that shoulder. So anyway, new GF and now new ex. He tells me that we shouldn’t talk because he’s going to try to get back with her and that because we like each other more than friends it could cause a rift between them. So we can talk or hang out anymore. That tells me she doesn’t trust him. It made me mad because you’re willing to lose a good friend to be with someone who doesn’t trust you and didn’t want to work through a rough patch in your relationship? I’m pissed and it does it hurt a little. I never want a relationship but I always get jealous when the guy moves on to another woman. But I’m going to continue looking for that SD and being childless (exactly how I want to be).
If I could quit my job right now I would. I fucking hate it. I know I can’t quit and if I did I’d be back where I used to be. Broke but I was somewhat happy then. I wasn’t sick all the time. I could do things I loved. Like, gardening and cooking every night. Now I just work and sleep. I’m depressed and I now have bad anxiety. I never had anxiety like this before. I have headaches everyday and no motivation for life anymore. I’d go back to school if I wasn’t in debt and knew what I wanted to do. But I don’t know myself or what I love anymore. I just need a break. A break to think. A break to be well again. I’ll figure it out soon.
Ugh. iPhone chargers ain’t shit. Gotta buy a new one now and dip into my weave savings. I’ve had three iPhones and all my chargers have broken within a year. One the bright side, Proactiv seems to be working. My skin isn’t so oily, my face is smoother, and the big pimples are gone. I think I’m going to splurge and buy some Bare Minerals. I hate liquid foundations and concealers. Oh, I need something for my acne scars too. They aren’t going anymore. I hate them. I’m glad I get paid Thursday. I went to the gym Tuesday. It was fun but I’m so outta shape. I did 1.5 miles on the elliptical, an ab class, and the 15 minute circuit machines. I’m sore but it feels good. I’m going today and probably every day for the rest of the week. I need to. I don’t feel normal anymore. The effects of laziness and not eating right are beginning to wear me out. I want to have a fitness model body. Not just tone but I want to be ripped. I’m just afraid my boobs will get smaller if I lose weight. Anyway, I think I’m getting depressed again and some anxiety is creeping in too. I’m worried all the time about money and finding a better job. Gaining weight has made me a recluse again. I go to work and I sit home. I spent most of my teenage years depressed. Like crying myself to sleep every night, having no friends, and not leaving the house. I’m starting to do the same things again. But this time it’s like I have no energy or desire to anything. I’ve always had insomnia and my mon says I was born an insomniac. If I do go out its with my almost BF and I’m starting to push him away too. I don’t know. I think I need to start pushing myself to change my habits. My mom is starting to notice too. She thinks I’m pregnant but she doesn’t know I’m in BC. She says I’m grumpy and I don’t do anything. I mean, how wouldn’t she notice? Usually, we’re gardening this time of year and going to yard sales every weekend but I haven’t done anything with her in months and I think she feels bad about it. I told her I was depressed but that was because of gaining weight and she’s trying to encourage me about eating right and working out. But I should really talk to her and explain things more. I just need to focus more on me and my family. I gotta get fit and healthy, open up and actually let people in, and get out of this funk. I’m tired of living the same day over and over again. Something has got to change and soon.
Work in the AM but all I can think about is going to the gym afterwards.
Thirst at its best 💦💦💦💧💧💧😓😪
I’m so sick of these fucking men! Damn, quit beating around the bush and just say it…you’re trying to fuck and that’s it. I’m not stupid. Tired of this shit. Always in my inbox with some foolishness.
I want these shorts. Anyone know the brand????
It took me a year to gain 25 pounds. I’ll be damned if I ever weigh 142 pounds again.
Ugh, I’m sick again. On top of pollen allergies and sinus headaches, I’ve got a cold or something. I can’t go outside without getting a headache, sneezing, or my eyes watering and itching. My sister has been telling me for days that my eyes are red and I noticed it this morning. It looks like I’ve been crying all the time. I had to cancel my date and he thought I just didn’t want to see him. He felt some kind of way and confronted me about it. He thought I was blowing him off on purpose after he said he hoped I felt better and that he was disappointed about seeing me tonight. I finally opened up to him and told him that it was not only me being sick but I just haven’t felt normal lately. I get about two hours of sleep a night, I eat constantly because I’m awake all the time, and my weight is getting out of control. Imagine being 117 pounds this time last year and now being 142 pounds. I can’t fit into any of my clothes. So I stay at home in sweats. I want to look nice at work but I don’t want to buy new, bigger clothes. I just wear my scrubs everyday. I feel and look disgusting. I’m depressed and having anxiety. My family says that I’m grumpy all the time. Which is true. I’m stressed about money, my job, being overweight, and my skin is breaking out like I’m a teenager going through puberty. I feel like I’m pushing everyone away and I promised I wouldn’t do that anymore because when I do that, I end up lonely and regretful. I just don’t know what to do anymore. This weekend I have to really start making changes. Even if its just getting up off my ass and walking around the block or hopping on my treadmill. I have to start somewhere. Thank god my mom bought a bunch of fruit and vegetables today so I can get up in the morning and eat right. Speaking of, my boss (this caught me so off guard) announced this week that he buying all of the employees gym memberships. But seeing that I’m only part time, I just pay $10 a month. At least I don’t have to pay the $90 enrollment fee. So that’s something positive. I’ve never been to the gym. I don’t even know where to start. My plan is to start with yoga and Zumba four times a week. But I want to build some muscle. If y’all have any suggestions on what I can use or do at the gym to help build muscle, please let me know. My interview went well and I think I made a good impression. The lady interviewing me said she really like me and that I was dressed well, I spoke with confidence, and that I had a great smile. That made me feel nice. She also said that it was between me and another applicant. But I think they other applicant has the advantage because she already works the same position at a different hospital. I work in a practice. I wanted to work in scheduling in radiology because its a lot like what I do now. I interviewed for unit clerk on the surgery floor. It might too hectic for me. Anyway, she said that she would check in radiology for any positions and put me at the top of the list. I’m trying to be positive and I hope something will pan out soon. I should know something by Monday. Anyway, that’s my update for the night. I’m gonna watch project runway and hopefully fall asleep before 5 am.
